You're about 3 years too late.

In the back of my mind, I still only wish it was you.

This has to mean something..

Weakerthans. I'm feeling very nostalgic tonight, in the best way. It's nice getting older and seeing who's still around and has been around since I was 14. Making plans with old friends, reconnecting with old friends and feeling like I've established relationships with the best people around here. It all feels new, even though it's not. I just can't help but see this through new eyes.

It's nice knowing that my thoughts aren't always completely absurd. Someone out there will always get it. Even the smallest things.

none of it. absolutely none of it.

I'm not in love like I should be... but I want to be. when I say everyone's blending together, I really really mean everyone and I really mean it. It's all talk... REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE GOT (and share it)

this summer's been so awesome.

surreal.

you put these things into perspective for me and you have no idea, do you?

Well, this definitely feels weird..


I've been spending my summer days really hot, sweaty, outdoors, bruised, and happy. I keep meeting the best people.

cause we all get tired, I mean eventually, there is nothing left to do but sleep.

A couple of nights ago, I realized that the person I've been the past 2 years is not the person I've always felt. I gave up the idea of hope and was so easily willing to let logic and other bullshit control the way I saw the world. Just because I learn it, doesn't mean I need to believe it. Last summer, I thought I learned more about the world than I ever have. Realistically, I was only masking everything I ever thought by someone else's beliefs to make it easier. I was becoming that person, who didn't want to think, because it was easier. It's a scary thought thinking that if I let myself live like that any longer, I could've been drawn into a life of organized religion and a democratic poltical view.

People will always take more than they give and it'll always leave us scrambling for a purpose. A reason to want to give more than you take. I've never needed a reason and I never want to feel like I do. Living freely doesn't mean finding a purpose. It means finding your own inner peace and feeling comfortable enough to live within yourself, but not alone. Never ever alone.

you're welcome.

I'm finally starting to live the life I've always wanted. or at least, I'm starting to.

today, I saw one of my favorite bands. I got really sweaty and disgusting and sang my little heart out. no other feeling compares to this. I made many new friends outside of the show, talked to some travelers, got more excited for our trip next month. then I layed around Rittenhouse with some new friends. one of the guys gave me flowers, beer, and a lighter with his job's advertisement on it. he also brought me fire-flies, which happened to be the first ones I've seen all year and a sure sign that summer IS actually finally here. why can't all boys be like that? after, we all went to get falafel and drove out of the city to a party. we left shortly after and went to a park where I hung out on the swings for a while. when we left our friends from Rittenhouse, they said, "Live it up... be safe... but mostly just live it up. Maybe we'll see you again or maybe not."

I want that mindset always.





"to the drifters! in hopes that our paths cross again. to the homesick! home's when we do meet again. our histories, our futures, our foundations are hope. it's a way to never forget. and I'll say goodbye, in hopes never to mean it. our love and our hope, no nation or state can contain it. if you call me up drunk, at four in the morning. no matter the timezones or state lines away, I'll be on bus lines or burning up phone cards, just like I lived eight blocks away."

even the slightest bit of attention and I'm sucked in.

but I'll lose interest quickly enough. I always do.

reasons I love coming home:

1. unlimited vegan food that my mom lovingly prepares for me.
2. my mom rules.
3. this pup:



hehehe

yet another chapter's ending. another year closer to ending one of the most significant chapters yet. weird knowing that I'm living my "prime" at this very moment. I thought it'd take me a while to appreciate everything this year put me through, but it came sooner than expected.


"you said it'd be too much for my little heart,
but look where we are now"

hey, stop.

I need my back pack full of pb&js, $10 and a train ticket mindset back. luckily, I'm only stuck here for 4 more days.

everyone's blending together lately.


this is getting so unbelievably frustrating. I have the worst luck. maybe I need to stop looking for a while.

gallon of iced tea and toothpaste on my face.. I'm probably just thinking too much.

I've felt so self conscious lately.

changing it. changing it.. but it'll go back. it always does.

"sometimes broken things make the best building supplies.. and we'll keep on building."

so good, so relevant

my "the longer you wait, the better it seems" mentality doesn't apply to everything.

you put it all in stocks,
you went broke
and met a nice girl
who probably smoked too many cigarettes
then your house smelled like cigarettes,
so you sold it,
and your heart broke
so you left a piece of it in russia
and you couldn't even write about it
because you were too busy driving your little white car
back and forth
until it broke down
now you're walk walk walkin all over town
at least you can stay in one place
you always told me not to put all my eggs into one basket,



didn't you?

"everyone I fall in love with has already fallen in love with someone I respect. so now I'm an altruist. oh fuck, just this once, can I root for the home team?"