I think the sign that I was nearly in tears when you left the other night, despite our first kiss just happening means I should really try to move forward. Going from being so happy that things might change to realizing that it's you and it won't. I'll never know when where we stand. That's something I've come to terms with. But when I'm always thinking of you and you finally give me some more attention than usual, it puts me back to where I started months ago. I'm sick of driving by your house and wishing more than anything that I was in there with you. I'm sick of reading your statuses and wishing I already knew that firsthand. I'm sick of getting so excited then bummed but tenfold. I don't know if you know how much control you have. No one else has seemed worth it since I met you. I'm just tired of thinking all of the time and wondering what I did wrong.


I want to start dating girls. It'd obviously be my first experience doing so, but it's something I really want to try. There's only a handful of girls I ever considered dating. Most of them are long gone. One of them is around, but I hardly know her and I think she considers herself straight. This seems like an entirely new level of dating to me. I know it's not.