It wasn't until 2010 that I learned that it takes more than a person being physically attracted to you to like you. Being able to hold conversations, have similar interests, and hang out with each other's friends is a crucial staple in relationships and without it, it will without a doubt fail to be a healthy/good relationship. When I was younger, I used that to my advantage and maybe took it a little overboard. I knew a boy who thought I was cute would give me multiple chances for me to get it right and I was never THAT concerned whether or not we could talk, not just flirt with each other. Every relationship I was in or boy I was talking to, was simply a physical attraction and it being nice to hear "you're cute," "wish you were here," or just having someone THERE all the time.

I first realized it when I met a particular boy over the summer. We had decent conversation. I was more fascinated by him than our actual potential. When we first met, he told me thought I was cute and I really depended on that for him to keep giving me chances. When he realized I wasn't good at holding conversations or meeting new people, he inevitably lost interest. This was the defining moment, a moment I felt myself growing up, and realizing that if I want a relationship to work out or if I want a boy's interest on a deeper level than just a physical one, I need to stop hiding and being so shy. I keep it on my mind from now on and maybe it really is just me finally growing up. I know that when I was fifteen, creeping on a guy and being really flirty worked.. but it doesn't know and really, it SHOULD not work ever. It made me feel like I took steps back and now I'm desperately trying to clean up those pieces and seeing if you'll give me a second chance.