distant lover, your voice cracks. and when you call out my name, what do you expect to receive? because it's always been me. always been me.

the day I realize that all the leaves are back is a strange one. it's as if winter never happened. but this winter happened, I know because I felt it more than usual.

everything's melting. change change change!

bad timing, I guess.

I understand that I shouldn't hold onto these things so tightly, but sometimes not holding on so tightly feels wrong. until I'm given a sign that this isn't supposed to be happening, I'm going to keep pushing forward. the signs (and I don't typically believe in "signs") make me believe this is exactly where I should be. if I keep patient, good things will come my way.

"once you've found it, you won't ever stop searching for it again.."

I know that someday you'll be sleeping, darling. likely dreaming off the pain. I hope you'll hear me in the streetlights humming, softly breathing our your name. I know that even with the seams stitched tightly, darling, scars will remain. I say we scrape them from each other darling, and let them wash off in the rain. and when they run into the river, oh no, let the water not complain. I swear that even with the distance slowly wearing out your name, your hands still catch the light the right way and our hearts still beat the same.. and our hearts still beat the same.

"we saw new constellations with each observation, the night sky grows bigger it seems. but under our ceilings is much more revealing, you'll find what we found in our dreams. I dreamt that all my old friends got together again. at a potluck or something, somewhere that we've never been. and we said oh and it's so strange the way that people's situations change. you got caught up in some crazy current, now it seems as though we speak a completely different language. but you'll always be as beautiful as the moment, the moment, the moment that we met."

I wish I could put into words how much this song means to me right now.

first weekend in a while that I'm not taking off with a backpack full of clothes and food.

but still, I love having no idea where I'm going to be in 2 hours. even if I'm stuck in this little town, I'll find a way to always love it.

sick. I'm absolutely dying for some change. sick sick sick sick. I feel sick. I wish I could turn my frustrations into words, but it seems that only actions can calm me down anymore.

one year. doing what I love.

and you.