I know I always say I'm going to take a break from drinking, but I really think I'm going to this time. At least, I'm going to cut back a lot and stop drinking liquor. Having a couple beers is different than taking 10 shots and making really stupid decisions. It always results in me coming home, crying, and regretting doing whatever I did. Sometimes it's not even that bad. I get off so easily because I always put myself in these situations with trustworthy people, but at some point, I'm not going to be so lucky.

Last night went extremely well (at first.) I got to Hannah's with Sydney. Chelsea, Amina, Britta, and Sara were already there.. with Hannah, of course. We drank mixed drinks, ate vegan deserts, talked about boys, and played a cute little card game. It's weird how comfortable I instantly felt around them. I know I always regret how little credit I give some of the people around here. Even if I can't totally relate to some people, at least there's still the effort. Feeling welcomed and enjoying a conversation is what really matters. Some more girls showed up later and things got a lot less personal, but it was still fun. After this, I made a stupid decision and some things I kind f wish didn't happen happened. That's life, though. Being 17 means making stupid decisions sometimes. All I know is, I'm lucky for having understanding/forgiving friends in my life.

So, where do I go from here? I am definitely cutting back on the drinking. I've never made so many regretable decisions until drinking became a bigger part of my life. I know this means something and I know it means that I shouldn't do it as often as I do. I'm going to monitor myself more. I know my limit and I know that liquor needs to be out of the picture completely. I'll let myself have drunk fun, but not TOO much. I have a crush on a boy and for the first time in a long time, I'm letting it work itself out. I'm not trying too hard. When I see him, I'll see how I feel about him and how he acts towards me. If he's not interested, then it's his loss. At least I know I tried and did it the right way this time.