My days have become extremely routine. I wake up, shower, drink a large amount of coffee to keep myself awake/sane, go through classes, come home, lay around for hours, start on homework, eat, homework, lay around, homework til I decide it's time for bed. It seems as if my body doesn't require nearly as much sleep as it used to. Maybe it's the caffeine counteracting with the stress I've put on myself. Who knows.

I went out to dinner and got pedicures with my mom today. That was a nice shift around in my "routine." She's trying to get me a car at the moment. I don't even ask her for these things and I can't help but feel that I really really don't deserve a lot of the things I'm given so easily. Even if I don't end up getting this car, once the money from my grandmother's (mom's mom) case comes in, she's using a portion to buy me at least a shitty car so I don't have to rely on my grandmother's anymore. Even if none of this works out, the fact that I have a mother who is willing to just hand me these kinds of things makes me feel extremely lazy, selfish, and also extremely grateful. We'll see what happens.

In the mean time, I'm rediscovering some of the great aspects of Autumn that I've seem to forgotten. I've been reading a ton lately. Even just the short stories we're told to read in my English class, I can feel my intelligence and understanding of something as general as myself broadening. I've been writing short stories, poems, one-line stories, and little notes all over the place. I've been listening to older Autumn music on repeat and trying my absolute hardest to stop being so miserable all the time. This includes, drives with the windows down, The Weakerthans blasting, and texting a really great guy that has turned into a big brother type. Whether he realizes it or not, he's becoming a really big part of my life.

Rambling. I don't even know what to say anymore. Looking forward to switching things up and hopefully seeing some improvement. I'm not giving up anytime soon.