Maybe that's why I never got the chance to know so many people.

I think part of the reason why I get bummed so easily is because of how happy I am when I am happy. I've always had trouble finding a good medium, for basically everything in my life. If I'm happy, I'm ecstatic and there's usually no good reason. If I'm upset, I'm miserable and it's always for no good reason. The rest of the time, I don't feel anything at all. I don't know what this means at all.

Today was an alright kind of day. I woke up exhausted. Took my time getting ready since I've been waking up an hour and a half before I need to leave my house. That's nice. I hate rushing. Tried having conversation in homeroom today with a couple old friends. I get bored so easily. English was pretty cool. My teacher is away because of a surgery she recently had. She left us a very broad and vague topic to write about: ourselves. Surprisingly, I had an extremely easy time writing about this. I wrote a couple pages about this past summer and the impact it had on me, while others wrote about what college they were planning to apply to and what major they were interested in. Spanish was spanish. Like I said, nothing's really changed. My extra math class that's needed to graduate was stupid. I sat with kids who talked about how much they hated school and how much they loved smoking weed. They actually left to smoke halfway through the class. Sitting alone and reading during lunch every day it seems. Voluntary loner. My economics class seemed kind of iffy in the beginning, but I don't think I'm going to drop it. The teacher rules and seems like someone I'd like to get to know. It's too bad that other AP students are such assholes who sincerely believe they're superior to everyone else in the school. How am I ever going to have a conversation with them? I came home, slept, ate, and now I'm doing this.

From a more distant view, I thought pursuing you would be a little easier. In fact, I was told by various people that pursuing you WOULD be easy. We all know that's never ever true in my case. I'm sitting this one out, waiting a little, and hoping that it'll only mean good things later. I can't wait to see you, that's all.

Four day weekend starting tomorrow at 2:00. I can stay in Delaware and try to enjoy being around some familiar faces. Joanna's birthday party on Friday and Andrew's show on Saturday.. or I can go to Baltimore and ensure that I'll have a good time. I just need to figure out how buses work from here to there. OR I can go to Philly, see some familiar faces that I actually want to see, and then leave with good or bad news. Avoiding that stress and waiting it out seems like a better idea. I don't want to have to deal with any of that just yet. So, I think staying out of Philly for at least a week is a good idea. Even though I may have plans with a friend up there. We'll see.

... I've been using this blogspot way too much lately.