I'd like to fall asleep to the beat of you breathing, in a room near a truck stop, on a highway somewhere.

It really really feels like the night before the first day of school. I'm laying in my bed, drinking tea, eating pretzels, talking to my school friends about tomorrow. It is the strangest feeling knowing that this is the last time I'll ever have this feeling. This is the last time I'll be in a parent/grandparent's house, alone, waiting to fall asleep at 10:00 then waking up in 7 hours. By this time next year, I'll be living in Philly with Tesla and whoever else, probably eating dinner or something on our porch. I just talked to Alex about it and we're both just amazed at how far we've both come and that we're both still around even just a little. Maybe about 4 years ago, his mom told us that the next years were going to seem to get shorter and shorter. It's proven to be true.

I would type out a long entry about summer 2010, but I don't think it's necessary. This was the summer of change and growing up and finding some sort of independence. I met the greatest people, some not so great people, saw some amazing bands, tried new things, found a home in another state, learned more than I thought possible, had my heart broken, felt unbelievably embarrassed multiple times, felt happier than I ever have, traveled far distances for small reasons, re-learned what it's like to be loved unconditionally by friends, but most of all and most importantly, I proved myself wrong. What seemed more like a joke just a couple of months ago all came together. This was the summer of circles because I watched the things I never thought were possible, happen. I learned that a heartbreak is not the end of the world and that I'll always be okay. I learned that I'll never be as content as I am sitting in my room, with minimal lighting, a notebook and some good music playing.

Autumn's so close and I want to make the best of it this year. I keep pushing myself into stupid traps and watching myself make poor decisions. I'm not going to chase after anything or anyone anymore. If things are meant to be, as much as I think I already know it, they WILL happen. I can only put forth so much effort until I start putting myself in a bad situation. I want to make this year count, for whatever it's worth. Maybe I'll still spend all my free time in Philadelphia, where I don't feel I'm always being judged. Maybe I'll find a place here and put that life on hold until next summer. Whatever it is, I really just want to live out this summer. I want to keep learning and keep proving myself wrong. In whatever context that may be.

Goodbye summer 2010, you were so fucking good to me.