a lot of messy thoughts..

wishing I was there, not here. knowing you are you.

I went through my entire contacts list on my phone looking for someone to invite camping, when I realized, I really don't like anyone around here anymore. there's no one in my contacts list, minus a very select few people, who I am willing to spend more than a couple hours with. I don't know if this means I need to stop being so stupid or if I really just need to meet some new people already. this next year is going to drag on. at least I have a flight to Seattle and the fest in Florida to look forward to.


I'm brushing my teeth twice a day and flossing. I've been cooking all my own meals. I've been reading books and writing in my notebook at least once a day. things are finally going back to normal... somewhat. school's starting in a little over 3 weeks and honestly, I'm relieved. this summer kind of showed me how capable I am of dumbing myself down and putting myself into stupid situations I don't want to be in. things I never once thought I'd do to myself. hopefully it IS just summer.

I've got a couple more days..... I've never been this worried or nervous for anything in my life. but hey, at least I know I can't go to you for help if I need it.


when you come back to reality, even when you hate it as much as I know you do, will I still exist? I spent a lot of today trying to figure out how to keep you around. if I should, if you want to still be around, if I want you to be... but I realized I do. you mean a lot to me already. we'll see where things go.. even just on the friendliest level. I know you trust me just as much as I trust you.